I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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