lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
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I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
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Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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