The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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