saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she pinky promised me she was 18
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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