did you get engaged???
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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