I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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