can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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