please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
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Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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