oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize