I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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