apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize