I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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