I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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