I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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