when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize