new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize