Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
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you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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