my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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