I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Found the puke drawer
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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