And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
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Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
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He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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