dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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