just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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