Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
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He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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