Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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