those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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