I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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