so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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