Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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