question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I need to calm my uterus...
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