Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
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My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
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tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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