To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize