I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
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If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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