you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
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i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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