I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize