Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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