i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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