What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize