I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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