The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize