take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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