He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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