You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
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Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
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We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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