dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
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This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
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Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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