my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
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Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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