I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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