A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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