I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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