Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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