Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
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Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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