I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize