I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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